News & Events

Hello Catie’s Team!

We have been very quiet this summer – on the website and in regards to Catie’s Wish. We are thankful for all the Catie’s Wish Ambassadors who have worked on fund raising efforts for Catie’s Wish during the summer.  We were delighted to attend the first Catie’s Wish outdoor movie night hosted by the Kosman family.   We also enjoyed the subs provided by the St. Joe’s Charger Football Team and Cheerleaders – the Third Annual Sub Sale.  Go Chargers!!  Thank you! The last update was in the beginning of June just after we returned from the St. Jude Remembrance Weekend.  This summer we spent most of our time together as a family.  As parents we cherished watching and enjoying the growth and changes of each child as we attempted to guide each other through our celebrations, difficulties, hurts and weaknesses.  We were so quiet this summer that several folks who saw us at the Back to School Nights this week remarked that they thought that we had moved.  Not the case.  We just traveled in different circles this summer (though we were spotted almost daily at Hans Frozen Custard) and spent much needed time together as a family.

We spoke about updating and questioned whether we had anything to write about and whether anyone cared.  (No self pity just a rhetorical question.) On one hand what we have experienced – the loss of a child – puts us in a very (thankfully) small and exclusive club.  However on the other hand what we have experienced also taught us life lessons that everyone can benefit from at any age and at any time.  Life is precious.  Live with no regrets!!  Love without reserve!!  Share everything that you have and everything that you are – not only can you not take it with you – it is in you to be shared. 

Catie taught us that.  If she didn’t share who she was and what she thought was important then we really wouldn’t have anything to write about or anyone to write to.  Without sharing herself once Catie died everything within her would have died too.  We would have been left in a far worse place – living without her and not knowing who she was and what she cared about.  At seven Catie cared about a lot of things.  She cared deeply for her brother Max and her sisters, her parents and grandparents and aunts, uncles and cousins; she cared about her classmates, friends and those who wrote to her; for the kids at St. Jude and all kids battling cancer; she cared about the beach and butterflies and gardening and she cared about prayers and praying and faith.

Catie was given a gift (as my fingers tap these keys there is a lump in my throat) to know that her life was coming to an end.  She lived and died knowing in the last 60 days of her life there would be an end soon.  There was nothing that she could put off praying for or doing or saying.  If we read the Bible, attend Mass or go to church there are so many stories about the bride maids not being ready to greet the groom, or the homeowner who would have locked his home had he but known that the thief was coming and many others.  The message is there and yet we are all so busy living that we miss the relevance that this message has in our lives or we think it is not about us, not yet and foolishly we go on thinking there will be time. 

Cancer for most cancer patients is a gift of time and perspective.  Accidents don’t always offer that peace of mind.  Very few grieving families of accidents look at what they are experiencing and think we did all that we could, or have the confidence to know that whomever they lost knew how very much they were loved, and perhaps most importantly have the certainty that their loved one was ready to face God.  It was not Catie’s cancer that taught me these lessons but it was Catie’s cancer that brought these lessons into my everyday.  My sister Andrea lost Lynn eight years ago, this September, and at her memorial service stood in shock and grief and stated that “I loved without reserve and I have no regrets – I did everything I could to love and care for Lynn”.  I sat there and prayed that if I am ever faced with the loss of someone I love that I will feel the same.

Cancer statistics are so high that it is almost impossible that anyone will not be touched by cancer.  One in six adults will be treated for some type of cancer in their lifetime and one is 330 for children.  Even if cancer is avoided – Praise the Lord – no one has ever avoided death forever.  So why is this lesson of living and loving without reserve or regret put off?  Especially in the light that everyone is so busy searching for what will make them truly happy and every mental health expert in the world tells us that deep committed relationships based on love make us the happiest.  This is something that I ask myself everyday – in the morning and each night.  Then I try to live it better the next day.  It is a process and like life it takes a lifetime to perfect.

Knowing this and attempting to live through this process is exactly how we spent the summer.  Instead of building on the momentum created by reaching our goal for the second year we took a much needed respite from Catie’s Wish.  Instead of working ten hours a day on the Foundation we cut back and focused on the kids.  If we are indeed doing God’s work we need not focus on momentum but rather on God.  He has all the momentum that is needed.  Once the kids are settled in school we will resume the work that Catie left us to do.   We trust that you will all be there to join us in prayer for the kids that are still battling, the families of those children who are now in heaven with Catie and the mission of Catie’s Wish.  Stay tuned for future updates and notifications about new changes to the website and future events like the Fall Fashion Show.

This summer was spent sleeping in, sharing Mass, eating ice cream, playing games, reading books, growing our small garden – us vs. the groundhog and rabbits, and learning new things.  The first seven weeks of summer were devoted to early morning swim team practices and Saturday swim meets for Maggie, Max and Mia.  This was their second year and each of them received their first blue ribbon which delighted all of us. Molly worked on reading, swimming and bike riding this summer and conquered bike riding.  We video taped her telling us how she would never learn because she was too afraid all the while she rode unassisted in circles around us.  What a laugh!!  M.E. spent the summer following everyone and growing up just enough.  We celebrated M.E.’s 4^th, Molly’s 6^th and Mia’s 8^th birthdays.  It is amazing how quickly they are growing up. 

Nothing was as much of a reminder of this then switching the clothes from one girl to another.  This takes place each year once during the end of summer and again in March.  With four girls the clothes just pass right along from one to another.  It might be easier to just change rooms but instead we move the clothes from one closet to another.  As we prepared for this we knew it would be tough on Mia.  Ever since she could dress herself she would wear Catie’s clothes.  This summer I even noticed her eating less and when I asked why she told me that some of her clothes were tight and she was trying to lose weight so she could keep wearing Catie’s clothes which are mostly size seven.  We told her that she was supposed to grow and get older and that Catie would want her too.  Thankfully Catie did have a few size eight clothes and so Mia didn’t have to give up everything that was Catie’s all at once.  Reluctantly Mia put all the size seven clothes in a bin for Molly next year.  Molly did try on some of the clothes and was delighted that she finally fit into some of Catie’s clothes.  There in one room was Mia in tears with Molly in the other corner thrilled to finally have Catie’s clothes to wear.  Across the hall Kevin, Maggie and Max were together all wiping tears from their eyes.  Seeing Molly in Catie’s favorite sweatshirt was very difficult for them.  How was it possible that Catie was so little?  so young – only seven?  so sick and yet endured all that she did?  Many times during Catie’s fight we would be with other children who were battling cancer and we be told of their odds or their trials and we knew that Catie had no odds only hope.  Why?  We will never know.  We only know that she was and she did and we love her for it and in spite of it and we will never forget her or any of the kids that battle cancer.

This summer like last we also continued to pray and keep up to date with Catie’s kids.  Very few of the kids that Catie actually met at St. Jude are still there.  For the most part their protocols have been completed now two years later.  Thankfully most of the kids on Catie’s protocol (Ellie, Hunter and Marit) are home with their families joyfully living NED (no evidence of disease).  Everyday we offer prayers of thanksgiving for the other kids – Abby, Amber, Brayden, JB, Jack, Jill, Neve, Tala, Trevor and many others who are also NED of their cancers.  We pray for those still fighting Jonah, Maggie and Raven and many others. This summer, like last, we said good-bye to too many.  Matt, Mikey, Robert and Sam all died too young and without cures for their diseases. We also remembered those that we love who are with Catie – this summer marked one year anniversaries for many families.  We are always praying and remembering and through these prayers and memories that best tribute we can pay to anyone is to love more, give more and to keep going in their honor and love as they loved.

This past week was spent getting ready for school to begin on Monday the 30^th.  Three nights this week we attended Back to School Nights; Monday for M.E. who will begin pre-school, Tuesday was for Mia who will be in third grade and Molly who will be in first grade this year, Thursday night was for Max who will begin Middle School in sixth grade and Maggie who will be in seventh grade.  All five kids will be at one school for the next two years.  Then what?  God knows.  For now we are blessed and grateful for the wonderful children that we have and pray that you are too.

Make the time to tell those you love that you love them everyday that you are blessed to share life with them.

God is good, all the time,

Christine, Kevin, Maggie, Max, Mia, Molly, M.E. and always Catie

This morning there was no sleeping in for me.  The computer was calling me, knowing there were many kids that we are following who were expecting news and needing prayers.   Logging on I received many pieces of news.  Jack’s scans were clear and he is home after his relapse last year.  Jack is three and has fought cancer and been a survivor longer than he was a healthy little boy.  Today he is probably going to play with puppies and then play in the mud –because that is what healthy little boys do.  Kaiden is still a baby himself and he is fighting a brain ATRT.  He is also home and has been given a 9, on a scale where 10 is the best, for his recent results.  Oliver has been given the best news in months – another really young child fighting cancer.  Robert’s chemo is killing cancer cells and he is home and that is the best news for his family.  There are others, too many others, for whom the news is not as good.  We are praying for you Mikey.  There are also many for whom no news is the best news – and we are still praying for all of you and your families too.

Yesterday was a tough and terrible day, not the whole day just dinnertime.  It was like that when the kids were little.  Why is it such a tough time?  It should be the time when everyone comes back home after being away for one another and re-connects and rejoices in being together.  Yet it is often a time filled with frustration and exhaustion.  The day didn’t turn bad at dinnertime – it started with an innocent phone call to Kevin.  His voice – I could tell something was wrong.  He insisted that nothing was wrong, but I could hear it even before he knew it.  Yesterday, June 16^th was another anniversary.  Two years ago on June 16^th at 2:30 in the afternoon we took Catie to Hershey for the MRI that would reveal a tumor within her spinal column.  When I called Kevin it was 2:30.  Whether or not we consciously are aware of an anniversary or that there is something on the calendar that we are supposed to be doing or not our bodies do know.  Without giving this anniversary conscious recognition it seemed to affect us subconsciously.  This may not be a proven fact but I have seen the effects on all seven of us.

When Kevin hits the button to the garage door I desire him to come home to peace more than anything.  Yesterday there was no peace.  I was upset with each and every one of the kids for something that had occurred just seconds prior to Kevin’s arrival.  Why?   I am human.   I was tired.  I was thinking about two years ago?  Maybe.  Or it could be because like everyone else I see the fix – “I should have done this” – much more clearly in hindsight.

What is the fix?  This morning I realized what the fix was when I read Vinny’s journal.  Vinny has a very rare form of cancer.  Vinny was born with a rare condition and has had several other rare conditions throughout his young life.  Now Vinny was just placed on hospice – last week.  In his mother’s last update she wrote how she was doing research and thinks that the current condition that has the doctors stumped is actually something that is extremely rare in children.  So in the true fashion of what mothers do she started sending e-mails to doctors at 3am fighting for her son.  Vinny’s body also seems to be healing itself – he is still in discomfort and is not cured but he is no longer on hospice care either.  Why?  Because there is still hope and there is still someone fighting for Vinny and with the mother he has there always will be someone fighting for Vinny.

How does this relate?  As parents we think that our job is to raise our children and teach them about God or about whatever we think is important for them to know.  We expose them to things that interest them and we feed and nurture their talents.  We love them.   We pray for them and hopefully with them.  We try not to worry about them – but we all do.  And unless someone, even one of their friends, hurts them, we don’t fight for them.  They need us to fight for them.  That is a lesson that I lost when Catie died. 

When Catie was first sick I just wanted the pain to go away.  Then when we knew what the pain was, a tumor.  I just wanted to cut it out so that we could go back to being us – I love us, the eight of us.  Then when the tumor turned out to be cancer I just wanted to pray and believe and let God take care of healing her.  I waited and believed in a miracle.  I was so sure it was going to happen.  Miracles happen.  Jesus cured people.  The twelve cured in Jesus’ name.  All the saints performed miracles.  Let’s wait for ours.  That is what I wanted.  A miracle would give me back the life and the family that I love; the eight of us.  That was not God’s plan.  God’s plan was different.  I was not and am still not angry at God’s plan but accepting it is not easy.  Then again fighting with Catie was not easy either.  I learned a lot about myself.  I can do anything – even things that I still believe are beyond me or my desire to do.  I am a fighter –just ask Kevin.

Yesterday things fell apart at dinnertime because I fought the wrong fight.  The fab five need me to fight for them just like Catie did.  I need to fight the temptations to be upset and to be angry.  I need to fight the urge to do and to simply witness their growing up.  I need to fight the desire to correct and witness; letting the chips fall where they fall.  I need to fight for the new us and love the fab five where they are and how they are.   Knowing and trusting that God still meets me where I am.

Life doesn’t work the way that God’s works – with or without cancer.  The way faith works is a mystery – I will continue to try to figure out what God is trying to tell me.  In the end what I really need to do is accept what is.  Some of the things that I have learned to accept are that we did win our fight for Catie.  We won but not the way the world views winning.  Now we are living as a new us.  I will always love the old us.  I will always miss the old us.  I can imagine that one day the empty chair at our table will be filled and I hope for that day and pray for the person who will fill it.  Someday I will have the old us back – but in order to have that I need to fight for the fab five.

Today is a new day.  Pray with me that I fight the right fights or that I accept and see the gifts that are before me.

God is good, all the time, 

Christine, Kevin, Maggie, Max, Mia, Molly, M.E. and always Catie

The O'Brien family at the Memorial Garden of St. Jude

Good evening Catie Team,

      You all continue to be in our prayers as we journey.  Thank you for continuing on this journey with us.  This past Friday, Christine and I and the Fab 5 all hopped on a plane from the Harrisburg Airport and headed to Memphis.  After the 16^th time that Christine complained about how early I had awakened her to catch the flight, I stopped counting.  This has been an issue since our honeymoon 14 years ago when we had to catch a train early in the morning on our 5^th day of marital bliss.  Apparently I am slow to get the message.  On the plus side, we were in Memphis sitting at an IHOP having breakfast by 10am and at the table next to us, we noticed a mother, daughter and grandmother, who likewise noticed the fab 5 all decked out in St. Jude t-shirts.  After we finished eating, our two families approached one another and we learned that the young lady, who happens to be named Maggie, had just arrived at St. Jude to receive treatment.  We talked for a while, exchanged information and offered our assistance as they tried to navigate through the first few weeks.  We then made our way to the car, prayed for the newest member of “Catie’s Kids”, and headed for Target House to visit with some of the staff there and renew acquaintances.  So much had changed!  They have continued to improve the common areas to make it even better for the kids and for the parents.  Mia, Molly, and M.E. played on the playground and I felt the first pangs of sadness as I pictured Catie climbing all over the monkey bars in her first few weeks at Target House.  She was so healthy after surgery and through radiation that despite the tremendous odds, we truly believed that she would beat the odds and survive.

      We left Target House, went to Mass at Sacred Heart, a church that Catie, Christine and I had visited many times in the past.  We then headed downtown to St. Jude and pulled up to the gate and announced that we were here for remembrance weekend.  Christine, Maggie and Max headed to the gift shop, while Mia, Molly, M.E. and I went in search of “Catie’s bench.”  Recently, one of Catie’s followers had made a donation to St. Jude in her name and St. Jude placed a plaque on one of the benches in the garden area where Catie used to sit between appointments because it was so cold in the hospital.  The bench and the plaque looked great, and we are so grateful.  As we were exiting the garden and meeting up with Christine, we saw Shannon, one of the schedulers who had been so wonderful to Catie and Christine during their time at St. Jude.  We spoke with her for a spell, (we were in Memphis, there will be more of these “southern” idioms as you continue to read).  Shannon then walked us into the hospital and showed us around the clinics that had been updated and enlarged since Catie’s treatment.  While we were there, we ran into Maggie and her mom and grandmother (from IHOP) and sat with them and exchanged more info and hopefully imparted some useful tips and information.  By this point, it was 1:30, and the official “Remembrance Weekend” activities were commencing so we headed to the Pavilion.  In the Pavilion, each family was given a bulletin board to hang pictures and other items as a remembrance of your child.  Many had pictures, some had articles of clothing, others had artwork that their child had completed.  In all, over 30 boards were created in memory of children who had battled in this wonderful facility and lost their battle.  Some, we knew personally, others we knew of, and many; we came to know over the course of the next two days.  All of them demonstrated the need to continue to battle pediatric cancer until remembrance weekends are no longer needed.

Mia, M.E., and Molly on Catie's bench at St. Jude

      This portion of the weekend offered the opportunity for families to connect and reconnect with one another, but also with the doctors, nurses, and staff that had such a part of our daily lives while our children were patients.  I can only imagine how difficult it was for these people to walk amongst us and see pictures of themselves with our children who did not survive.  It is a testament to who they are as individuals and to the overall vision of St. Jude that even in death, these people truly care and are forever invested in our lives.  To know that Catie and the other children represented in that room had such a profound impact as to compel people to come and visit with us is an indication of how special these children and the people who care for them really are.  While Christine and I spent time with these people, the kids were eating and having their faces, arms, and hands painted; they looked great!  When we left the hospital grounds at 6pm, we knew 3 things.  Catie and the other kids were all safely watching out for us and were clearly here with us in a very special way.  We also knew that we were doing okay.  Lastly, we knew that the fab 5 were doing really well; they were happy, outgoing, and proud of their sister and her legacy. 

      Before we took this journey, people asked us if we were nuts.  “Why would you go back there?  Why open up all of the scars, why ruin whatever healing you and the kids have already done?”  On Thursday, just before we packed, Christine heard Catie as clear as day repeat a phrase she had uttered throughout their days together at St. Jude.  “It’s ok mom, they have been doing this for years, trust them.”  St Jude has been inviting parents and siblings back for Remembrance weekends for years and have refined the weekend based on countless feedback from those who have traveled this road before us.  So once again, we trusted St. Jude and asked God to bless our journey.  There were families that we expected to see that were absent, and in their absence we realized that they, perhaps, had fallen victim to the same temptations.  With nothing else to offer them, we prayerfully accepted their decision and hope that their decision offered them the same peace that ours did.

      The next morning, I was perfectly willing to let Christine sleep in, (I had learned the lesson from the previous day), but the schedule dragged us all out of bed and over to St. Jude for the second part of the weekend.  As soon as we arrived, the fab 5 were escorted to age appropriate sibling groups and Christine and I joined the parents of 32 other children for a panel discussion on grief.  Led by parents of children who had died more than 5 years ago, the 32 of us listened, commented, questioned and commiserated.  The weekend is open to parents and families whose children have died within the past year and each family may attend 2 consecutive years.  Christine and I are planning on attending again next year and were approached to be on the panel after that.  The morning went by quickly, and we connected with a few families whose stories and journeys paralleled our own and we intend to keep in touch with them.  At the end of the morning session, a short video was played of interviews with staff at the hospital relating their memories and experiences with our kids and how fortunate and blessed they feel to have known our children and how honored they were to have been able to treat them and that they, like us will never forget them.

           After lunch and reconnecting with the kids, we attended a prayer service that offered readings, flowers, a display of the artwork that the kids had worked on in the morning, and beautiful music.  Then, to the song, “Bridge over Troubled Water”, a picture of each of the kids was projected on a large screen.  As I counted the 55 kids whose family had signed up for the weekend, I realized that over 20 families had signed up but had been unable to attend for one reason or another.  We all then went outside and launched a balloon for Catie and the other kids, spent some time in the memorial garden that Catie loved so much, and went back through the gates and into the city of Memphis. 

      It was now time for what Mia believed to be the highlight of the weekend, baking cookies with Miss Mary.  For those of you who have been following Catie’s story, you will remember that Catie and Miss Mary had become instant friends and that Mary would deliver “happys” or little gifts of cookies to Catie and at times, her cookies were all she would eat.  Mary has been and continues to be such a wonderful blessing to all of us.  Mia and Maggie went to Miss Mary’s house and spent a few hours baking cookies while the rest of us went back to the hotel room and took a nap.  When we picked Maggie and Mia up later, we spent a while talking with Mary and Keith, and then headed on our way to the Rhea’s house. 

      Katie Rhea and Catie became instant friends when Catie arrived at St. Jude in July of 2008.  Katie still rides the bicycle that we bought for Catie while she was at Target House.  The kids all got along fabulously for hours as we reconnected with a family that had adopted us.  Jessica, Jason, Katie and Jaxson are a wonderful family who exemplify southern hospitality and we are blessed to count them as friends.  At midnight, we left the Rhea’s and headed to the hotel for a wonderful night’s sleep that was interrupted by Mia throwing up in her bed, but thankfully not on Max who was sleeping next to her.  We got her showered and changed, tried not to think of Catie and her constant nausea, and went back to sleep.

      When we woke up on Sunday morning, we got dressed and headed to Mass at St. Mary’s, a church that had been a wonderful home to Christine and Catie.  Father Eric gave a wonderful homily and reminded us of where we learned the “God is good, all the time” that has become the Catie’s Wish Foundation slogan.  It was a wonderful homecoming.  After Mass, we headed to the Peabody Hotel, home of the world famous Peabody Ducks and had a wonderful brunch.  We then went to Mud Island and waded in the scale model of the Mississippi River until it was time to head back to the airport.  We arrived home at 1am and all-in-all, we had a very good time and were glad we went.

      Christine and I just read over this update and said a prayer and realized that while we were remembering Catie for 3 days, 3 more of Catie’s kids had died, another 150 children and their parents learned that cancer had invaded their lives, and 20 more children that we will never know succumbed to their cancer and joined Catie in heaven.  Because of your generosity and the generosity of hundreds more, millions of dollars have been raised for research and progress continues to be made in this battle for our children’s lives.  However, the biggest difference will still come about as a result of prayer.  Please take a moment now, gather your family, and join us as we ask God to continue to bless these kids and the people who care for them.  Talk to Catie and ask her to continue to climb up into God’s lap and talk to Him about her kids.

God is good, all the time,

 As for us, we will keep all of you in our daily prayers.  We thank you for the blessing you continue to be for us.  May God bless you and the work of your hands.

 Christine, Kevin, Maggie, Max, Mia, Molly, M.E., and always Catie

Good evening Catie Team,

     It is our hope that this message finds you well and in the tender embrace of the Father.  When we first started to write to you about Catie, the updates were focused on Catie’s disease and treatment and the impact it was having on our family.  As we continued to update, there were times when people following the story wanted more info on Catie and others wanted to know more about the family dynamics.  In an effort to be true to that model and be responsive to your desires, Catie continues to do very well.  She is busy in heaven talking with God about all of her kids that are still here battling their cancers.  She continues to welcome children home who have lost their battles.  One of her kids, Casey, went home to heaven last night.  Catie keeps busy because kids still battle and they still die.  In between, she plays, runs, enjoys her carefree timeliness with God and her family and friends.  In short, Catie is doing great.  Your prayers for her and your support allowed her to be fully prepared to spend eternity with God, thank you.  Believing that this is a fact – Catie is indeed in heaven with God Our Heavenly Father – provides each of us comfort and some days it is our only comfort.

     As for family dynamics and what is going on with us, we are not doing as well as Catie who is in heaven.  We are still striving for heaven, so that is to be expected.  We have good days and bad, and we have moments of pure joy and moments of utter agony.  We continue to follow over 150 of Catie’s kids by reading their stories, sending along hope filled and positive messages, offering our support, and praying daily for the kids and their families.  We are trying to offer to Catie’s kids and their families what you offered to us, prayerful support.  Thank you for the wonderful example.  True to Catie’s mission that she left for us, we strive daily to eradicate pediatric cancer through prayer and research.  As we have emerged from the wonderful success of reaching the financial goal for 2010, and look to next year, our focus now is on developing an even greater awareness of the plight of kids with cancer and expanding the number of prayer partners to assist us in storming heaven.  Please pray that the Holy Spirit breathes life into this most important aspect of Catie’s Wish.  We have some amazing ideas and amazing examples of dynamic prayer, from Eucharistic Adoration, weekly prayer groups, fasting, and family Rosaries.  We even had the prayer of a newly ordained permanent Deacon.  Thank you John.  Prayer is the answer and will be the difference in this battle to save our children.  Even though 46 families a day still hear the words, “your child has cancer” and 7 of them hold their child for the last time, many who have been stricken receive the hoped for result from a battery of tests that show “No evidence of disease”.  Countless others that we may never know about are never diagnosed because of the constant prayers offered by thousands around the world who follow the example of Catie.

     Christine and the kids are doing well.  Each of them have moments and days when the hole in their life left by Catie is wider than other days.  We are not a typical family or so we have been told.  Last night we were out as a family and someone innocently asked Mia, “How many brothers and sisters do you have?”  Even over a year later that innocent question causes a pause and an awkward answer.  Mia - who is never quiet – quietly answered, “I have one brother and four sisters – three are here and one died and is in heaven.”  We were told throughout last year that the first year of “firsts” would be the hardest year.  Many families who have lost a child implore us to guide them and tell them what will be the hardest – as a couple? as parents? and for the children?  To be honest there is no answer – everyday there may be a moment if not for you then for your spouse or one of your children.  Getting over or getting past losing Catie is not our goal.  When Catie first died my goal was getting to heaven to be with her.  Was that the same goal for the rest of us?  No.  Life felt as though we were living in a mental coma - we could hear and speak and move physically we just could not think.  We functioned – wake up, feed the kids, go to the bus, go to Mass, answer e-mails, do laundry, and so on.  Life happened and we functioned throughout each day.  At some point we wondered what people thought when they saw us laugh?  Then we realized that we did laugh.  Knowing that we could laugh meant something – we could be joyful.  We could do more than function; we could live knowing that beyond our pain we would still experience joy – for ourselves and within each other and that we could share that joy outside our family.  That is where we are now; aware of the pain and thriving in the joyful memories we cherish of Catie and those we are creating with one another.  Does that mean we are over or past losing Catie?  Is this heaven?  Just like in the movie Field of Dreams, this is not heaven – it is not Iowa either.  This is life and if it feels like heaven it is because we each are doing all we can to live like Christ taught us to live.

     The kids are winding down the school year and looking forward to Swim Team, swimming lessons, and sleeping in.  They are adjusting to their thoughts and understanding about how they feel each day.  M.E. will be playing and Christine will overhear her saying, “Catie, can you just come down for a little while and play with me until the kids get off the bus?”  Catie obviously answers her, because the next words out of her mouth are, “That’s okay, we’ll just keep playing like this.”  Molly, who has the personality that reminds me the most of Catie just continues to grow into a wonderful little girl, with a healthy dose of attitude that says, “I know who I am and I like me.”  She physically resembles Catie and when she walks into our room at night and touches my pillow my heart races as my mind understands that it is Molly and not Catie with us.  Molly has the faith of a child and doesn’t question why or what happened; somehow I believe that she just understands better than we understand.  Mia has moments of struggle where the sadness of Catie’s absence visibly weighs on her little shoulders.  She wears many of Catie’s clothes, and in some cases is growing larger than Catie was and realizes that soon she will have outgrown her big sister’s hand me downs.  That brings sadness as she continues to question how do I move forward and keep Catie with me each day.  In many ways Mia reminds me of the kid who is a copycat.  It is sometimes a brother or sister or a friend.  When the question is asked “Would you like a glass of water?”, the first child answers yes and the copy cat answers “Me, too!”  Mia continues to play copycat to Catie.  We, as her parents, struggle to understand, comfort and know when and how it is right to push Mia to take a step that Catie didn’t take.  Max struggles with the vast number of emotions that make up each day.  He is blissfully happy reading and being distracted in any way.  He still cherishes the morning and is realizing the staying up late at night makes getting up in the morning a bit more challenging.  Knowing how very close he was to Catie and knowing how much he valued Catie as a peer to physically compete with and to discuss things with; the void of her absence is obvious.  Getting Max to talk about this and helping him to understand – what we struggle to understand – requires patience, love and prayer.  Please join us.  Maggie seems to be a bit stuck, similar to Mia, between growing up and branching out and staying close to home.  Being together is such great comfort for each and all of us.  Last week we sat for hours all on one couch – it was raining outside – helping Maggie with her homework.  Maggie’s homework was about TV.  We don’t watch TV – even though we do have cable.  Not knowing what the kids would be exposed to if I turned on the TV I opened my laptop and we watched Youtube.  Pulling up old episodes of The Flying Nun, My Three Sons, The Brady Bunch, Family Affair and Family Ties, just laughing and being together – not to mention without commercials a single show takes less than ten minutes.  This time together with us makes sense to Maggie and it provides comfort; out there with her peers she is not as sure of the comfort or the fun.  This is new territory for not just Maggie – but our entire family. 

     As for Christine and myself, time marches on and the blessings of our marriage bathe us in the warmth of God’s love; when we allow it to.  Sometimes, out of my own stupidity or obliviousness, I make the mistake of shutting out Christine’s love and retreating like a turtle into my shell.  Christine allows herself the emotional latitude to be sad when something makes her sad and to be joyful when there is reason.  Recently, someone questioned what there was to still be sad about.  “Get over it” seemed to be their message, followed by, “lots of people have worse problems than you, stop complaining.”  Rather than bristle at the words, we sat and prayed and talked about where we are and whether we should be “over” Catie’s death by now.  We believe that despite the moments of sadness that come out of nowhere, we are doing well.  Responding to the challenge that Catie left for us to care for her kids has allowed us to turn her short, beautiful life into a positive.  I am blessed to have my best friend to be with me on this journey.  Please pray for me as I hope to be for her what she is for me.

     Last week, we met with a literary agent to explore the possibilities for publishing Catie’s story.  As we continue on that road, we will keep you posted.  This weekend, we head on our annual pilgrimage to Washington D.C.  It marks the second year since Catie began to have the pain that alerted us to her tumor.  Bittersweet as it will be, the kids look forward to this trip all year and we will have a great time.  Please know that you all continue to be in our prayers.  Please visit the website www.catieswish.org and look at the pictures and read the stories; continue to pray for Catie’s kids; and continue to spread the seeds of Catie’s Wish.  Together we can win this battle.

God is good, all the time,

Christine, Kevin, Maggie, Max, Mia, Molly, M.E., and always Catie

Greetings Catie Team, 

     Our hopes and prayers continue that this message finds you in the warm and tender embrace of the Father.  We wanted to send you a quick update today to let you know or remind you of the National Day of Prayer.  Today, May 6^th is a day set aside since 1952 to remind us as Americans to stop for a moment and offer a prayer.  The prayer can be one of thanks that we are blessed to live in a country where our freedom of religion is guaranteed but hopefully not taken for granted.  It can be a prayer of thanks for so many other freedoms that we enjoy because of the efforts and prayers of so many who came before us.  It can be a prayer of hope that our country can become what it was divinely inspired to be, a “City on a Hill”; a foretaste of heaven, and a beacon of hope and promise for all.  It can be a prayer asking for forgiveness for all of the times that we as individuals and as a country have fallen short of what we could be.  Or, it could be a prayer to just say hello to our Father in heaven and reconnect if we have been out of touch.  Whatever the prayer, the important part is that there is a special opportunity today; but it will remain just an opportunity without a response from each of us.  For us as a family, we will be going to Mass and Adoration at 7pm this evening at St. Joseph’s in Mechanicsburg.  If you have the opportunity, please come join us; if you do not, please join us in prayer wherever you are.  We will be remembering all of the special times we have had as a family celebrating our “Americanness”.  Our annual trips to Washington D.C., placing flags in front of each of our houses, the impromptu parades with those flags as each of the kids became aware of their own sense of national pride.  And we will be remembering Catie.  Today, this is the picture I see of her, standing boldly in front of the Washington monument with all of the attitude that she would need for the fight of her life that would begin just one week later.  To know that her tumor was already there, just unseen as yet brings tears to my eyes.  But it also fills me with pride for who she was and is.  We also offer the second picture of Catie sitting in her wheelchair and praying.  Her model of constant prayer is one that inspires me.  Today, on this national day of prayer, may it inspire you as well.  May God bless you and continue to bless our country.

A Cancer Prayer
by Stephen R. Chance

Dear God, We have prayed often for you to rid our child’s body of cancer and never let it come back. We have prayed often for you to spare his body the harsh effects of the treatments he must endure. We have prayed for mercy and strength. But we have not yet prayed for the things about cancer we would like to keep.

Please let us keep the love that has been laid bare and that binds our family, our friends, and our community.

Please let us keep our preference to be together.

Please let us keep our appreciation for simple pleasures.

Please let us keep our ability to not sweat the small stuff.

Please let us keep our tolerance for each other’s mistakes.

Please let us keep our focus on each other’s needs.

Please let us keep our patient smiles responsive to normal childhood conflicts rather than the irritation that could so easily ensue.

Please let us keep our tendency to treat others tenderly knowing that we don’t know all the heartbreaks they have felt.

Please let us keep the ease with which new acquaintances become good friends.

Please let us keep our enhanced appreciation for nature.

Please let us keep our motivation to live vigorously now rather than planning to live later.

Please let us keep our calling to help others fight cancer with better weapons and smarter generals.

Please let us keep our need to reciprocate the wonderfully kind favors we have received.

Please let us keep the strength to press on when faced with other illnesses, deaths, and human tragedies.

Please let us keep You at the center of our lives during good times, too.

Amen.

Wherever you are stop and spend a few minutes taking an inventory of all of your blessings.  Thank your God and those God has blessed your life with.  Share this prayer with those you love.  Share your love with all.

 Christine, Kevin, Maggie, Max, Mia, Molly, M.E., and always Catie

PS – We continue to do the work of Catie’s Wish and are in the process of sending out all of the thank you letters for all of your generous gifts that allowed us to reach Catie’s goal yet again.  We delayed sending the letter so that we could be sure that we reached the goal and because we have just been granted non-profit postage status, allowing us to reduce expenses and stretch your generosity even further.

PSS – Please pray for Jonah who is a new member of Catie’s Injured Reserve.  Jonah has been an Ambassador for Catie’s Wish and has done amazing work in spreading the seeds of Catie’s Wish in California.  Most recently, he organized a very successful Dress-Down Day and the money raised was the actual donation that allowed us to hit the goal.  This week, Jonah was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.  Please keep him and his mom in your prayers.

Video of Catie’s Wish on the PECO Building

I love you very much.  I miss you so much that it still hurts sometimes.  Thank you for being with us all day.  When I woke up this morning, M.E. and I sang Happy Birthday to you.  She of course added the “cha, cha, chas”.  She talks about you constantly.  She will say, “Mom, can I have a donut, Catie says I should.”  You continue to be a terrific big sister to her.  Thanks to thousands of people, we really honored your special day.  Your first wish, that calendars across the country would be colored purple, was realized on thousands of calendars this year.  We have not gotten every calendar yet, but we are working on it.  As for the second wish, to treat all of the patients and staff at St. Jude, we made it!  You paid for everything today, every treatment, every salary, even the electrical bill.  Kids are still getting cancer, and some of them are still dying, but thanks to you and your selfless wish, some progress was made today.  We will keep trying until no more kids have to go through what you went through.  You also asked us to pray, and thousands of kids and adults across the country did just that today.  They put aside their own wants and desires and asked God to help Catie’s kids and their families.  Thousands more prayed for the doctors, nurses and others who care for these kids with cancer.  We are trying Catie, we really are. 

      We lit up your house and a building in Philadelphia for you today as well.  We used purple because you loved it so much.  Did you see the lights from heaven?  Tomorrow is Mia’s First Holy Communion and she is a little nervous.  Can you be with her and help her to realize that she will be closer to Jesus when she receives Him, and that when she does, she will be touching heaven and you.  I remember how wonderful you felt after you received Him for the first time, and I pray that Mia will feel just as wonderful.  I am sure there are more things that I should tell you, mostly I figure you know what is in my heart anyway so I don’t have to write it to you.  You know how much I love you, and you know how much I want to hold you just one more time.  I want to dance with you just one more dance and see your smile one more time.  But that is not the plan, so I will keep going to sleep and waiting to see you in my dreams and going to mass and feel you on the altar.  Most of all, I will keep experiencing you in each person I meet who knew you and loves you.  I see you in Molly and in M.E., I see your peace on Max when he knows you are with him.  I see you in Mia as she becomes a great big sister.  She even wrote a song for you, have you heard her singing it?  I see you in Maggie when she does something she would not normally do, just because it is the right thing to do.  And I see you so much in your mom.  I love her so much Cate and I want her to know that without any doubts.  Please help me be as good a husband and friend to her as I can be.  She misses you a lot, and there is a hole in her heart that I can’t fill.  Please keep her safe and help her to know that as special as my little girl is, her mom is even more so.  She did more to make all of your wishes come true than anyone and I am so proud of her.

I am going to go to bed now beautiful, we will see you later this morning at the Communion.  I know you would never miss it!

Know that I love you always and that is never going to change!

Dad

PS – we gave birthday gifts to everyone we knew who had the same birthday as you.

Catie Team,

     As parents, we field questions all the time.  We are asked questions about our kids; “How are the kids doing?”, “How’s school?”; and by our kids; “Can I have this?”, “Why?’, “Why not?”, “How come?”.  Some of the questions are innocuous, others are more poignant.  Some receive “yes’s”, others get ”no’s”.  Many times, in the myriad of questions it seems like they will never end.  We listened intently to Catie’s questions and tried our best to answer all of them with as much information as we could.  As Catie came to the end of her life here on earth, the questions and the answers took on even more importance.  With the Fab 5, the questions come from all directions and run the gamut.  Twelve year olds and three year olds ask different questions!  Out of the haze of the questions came this one from Mia, our seven year old who is preparing for her First Holy Communion this Saturday the 24^th.  “Dad, now that Catie is in heaven, when will I be older than her?”  How do you answer that question?  Assuming that Catie stopped aging when she died, I took out a piece of paper and a pencil and figured out how many days Catie had lived, and the answer was 2,838 days.  I then added up the number of days that Mia has been alive and subtracted from 2,838 and then figured out on a calendar when they would be the same age and what the first day would be when Mia would be older.  Are you ready for the answer?  Catie and Mia will be the exact same age on April 23^rd 2010, this Friday, on what would have been Catie’s ninth birthday.  Mia will be “older” than Catie beginning on April 24^th, 2010, the day of her First Holy Communion.  More signal graces and more opportunities to see the hand of God in our everyday.  Mia, as you can imagine, was thrilled with this answer to her question and wanted us to share it with all of you. 

     With Catie’s birthday coming on Friday, the last minute details of making her day as special as it can be have been challenging.  Because of your support and prayers and the support of thousands who have generously shared their treasure, it looks as if we will again reach Catie’s goal for funding St. Jude on her birthday.  Every salary and expense, every treatment, every cost associated with caring for the children at St. Jude will be “paid for” by Catie and her supporters.  Thank you.  For two years now, we have fulfilled a part of Catie’s Wish.  Catie’s ultimate wish, and one that we all share is an end to pediatric cancer and we are still a long way from that Wish, and so we continue to pray and ask all to join us.  Many other plans have been put in place to help make April 23^rd special not only for the patients, families, and staff at St. Jude, but for everyone who is part of Catie’s team.  Birthday Cards bearing Catie’s name have been sent to each of the over 500 patients scheduled to be in treatment on Friday along with a “Happy” (small token letting the receiver know that they are being thought of in a special way).  These cards and happys have been sent by one of our very special Ambassadors, Candee and the CCD classes from St. Columbkill Parish in Boyertown, PA.  Two banners, signed by over 1,000 students, teachers, and believers in Catie’s Wish and the power of prayer are being shipped to St. Jude letting all who see them on Friday know that they are in our thoughts and prayers and that Catie lives on as long as we never forget her.  Each of the students that helped with the cards and the banners were asked to go home and with their parents permission, color their home calendar purple on April 23^rd .  This is a special way to highlight that day and help all of us remember Catie; who she is, what she stands for, and what she asks all of us to do.  Please take a moment and color your calendar, invite others to do the same, and when Friday comes along, think of and pray for Catie’s kids, their families, and those that care for them at St. Jude and other treatment facilities around the world.  Each of the people who were directly responsible for Catie’s care as well as each of the departments at St. Jude will be receiving birthday cards as well, courtesy of one of Catie’s classmates.  There are so many really great people who continue to take Catie’s story and allow it to change them for the better and we thank you all.

     For those of you in the Philadelphia or Mechanicsburg areas, there will be a special visual tribute to Catie on Friday and Saturday.  Thanks to our Advisor Mike Pascarella, the PECO Building that dominates the Philly skyline will have Catie’s website www.catieswish.org displayed throughout the weekend, and thanks to Ron D. who did such an amazing job with the Christmas light shows, our house will be bathed in purple light and a projected image of the Catie’s Wish logo that we think will be visible from the Turnpike and most certainly from Catie’s vantage point in heaven.  Thank you both for your continued support and selflessness.

     Please pray that as the week goes along that we stay focused on Catie and on Mia as their respective special days approach.  The temptation to give in to the frustration that accompanies all of the planning and execution is weighing heavy.  I am so blessed as a husband and Christine is amazing in all that she continues to do to make Catie’s Wish all that it is and can be. 

May God bless you and the work of your hands,

Christine, Kevin, Maggie, Max, Mia, Molly, M.E., and always Catie

www.catieswish.org

Now on Facebook too!

The old cliché is time flies when you are having fun.  The truth is that there are the same twenty four hours in each day whether you are enjoying the hours or not.  The minutes and hours have been flying – thankfully most of them have been very positive and filled with many blessings. 

 The Easter holidays were spent here in Mechanicsburg.  We were all set to travel to South Carolina and spend Easter with Grammy and Poppy – Kevin’s parents.  We have spent almost every Easter in South Carolina since Catie was born – except for Catie’s last Easter.  This year at the last minute a dear friend called to say he was throwing a surprise party for his wife and could we make it.  One of the lessons that Catie taught us all was there is no time like the present to be there for someone.  So we changed plans and are so grateful to Grammy and Poppy for understanding.

 Palm Sunday was spent in Basking Ridge, NJ at Mom-Mom and Da’s.  We returned home for school and work Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and then returned to Mom-Mom and Da’s for Holy Thursday.  We ate the Passover meal, attended Mass and visited seven churches with all the kids.  We went to Mass at Our Lady of the Mount in Warren, NJ.  After Mass we processed with candles across the street from the church to the chapel for Adoration.  It reminded us of our time at Lourdes.  Then we took the kids to visit six other churches for Adoration.  They stayed up until midnight – keeping watch and praying with Jesus!  We were so proud of them we offered them donuts at midnight!  This is a Closkey family tradition – visiting churches not eating donuts – as Mom-Mom and Da visited seven churches on their first date.  They set an example that we are still following today.  Thank you Mom and Dad.

 Saturday we were home and happily enjoying being together as a family.  The peace and serenity was interrupted as we learned that one of Catie’s kids had died.  Sean Witsoe died two days after his fifth birthday.  We knew that Sean was healthy and out of pain rejoicing in heaven.  We also knew the pain and anguish that Sean’s family felt and we prayed for their peace and comfort.  While we wanted to make plans and be with the Witsoe’s we knew that they needed prayers more at this time and so we prayed for them.

 Easter Sunday we attended Mass at St. Joseph.  We were surrounded by familiar faces and Father Brommer’s homily was filed with all the HOPE of the Resurrection.  Hope is a message for all of us at every moment.  We took all that hope-filled love and joined dear friends for Easter.  They too are experiencing new traditions; in some ways we all are but many of us do not recognize the change or the newness.  The subtle differences between this year and last year are lost in the busy-ness of the day.

 Monday had its own busy-ness.   We learned that another St. Jude patient who we knew had died.  We started plans to go to Indiana to be with the Witsoe’s – that involved a lot of phone calls to coordinate the kid’s activities.  We prepared Catie’s 9^th Birthday cards to be decorated by St. Columbkill CCD students and shipped them off to Gilbertsville.   It is hard to imagine all that Catie wanted us to do is all falling so neatly into place; thanks to so many who knew and loved Catie and some who came to love Catie through her story.

 Tuesday we paid our respects to Corey’s mother.  That is really as simple as it is.  You stop everything and take a moment to hold another person letting them know that you care for them, their loss and that their child made a difference in your life.  Corey was 24 years old.  He survived his cancer.  He was at each St. Jude fundraiser that we attended doing just what Catie would have wanted to do – putting a face to the title “St. Jude Survivor”.  What an honor!  Through all of our efforts and prayers may there be more faces and lives touched by “St. Jude Survivors”.

 Tuesday afternoon we headed to the airport just the two of us.  How odd to delight in being alone with the love of your life.  Even traveling to a funeral can fill you with joy.   Sean has a wonderful family and any and all funerals should always have children at them – children remind us to laugh when the tears are falling.  Children live in the moment and remind us to do the same – live!

 The funeral and burial were fitting of the hero that Sean was.  Katie, Sean’s mother, said it best when she offered that Sean was never comfortable being the center of attention and this way we could talk all about him and he would be fine watching us all from heaven.  We also caught up with other friends from St. Jude.  These friends are truly family.  We have shared a profound and life altering experience with them and they with us.  Standing around we realized that we had never seen each other dressed up or outside the fluorescent lights of the hospital.  We had never shared a drink or been without at least one of our children in tow.

 Somehow or another the conversation often turned to Catie and how we were doing with Catie’s Wish this year.  Have you seen the website lately?  Check it out www.catieswish.org and look at what is left to do in the next week.

 We are so close to the goal and this year we are able to do even more.  We have had many children and parents ask us how they can be a part of the goal this year.  Can we make cards for the kids at St. Jude?  Could we make them for the doctors?  We went back to St. Jude and asked if the mailroom could handle thousands of cards.  We are working out the details of exactly how we are going to show all the staff at St. Jude that Catie’s Wish is not only treating them on April 23^rd but also praying for them. 

 In the meantime we have put together our first set of “happys” for the kids at St.Jude.  When Catie was at St. Jude it was one of her favorite Southern traditions.  A little sack filled with a small thoughtful something to make someone feel loved, special or appreciated.  This is something that several of us at Catie’s Wish have been working on this past year.  Well for Catie’s birthday everything is coming together for the kids at St. Jude and we are thrilled.

 This effort is a collaboration between 500 kids coloring cards for the kids at St. Jude, 500 packages of pretzels many of them donated by Sturgis Pretzels (thank you Barbara Sturgis) and Candee and her amazing family and friends who will attach the cards to the pretzels and send them to Target House.  There the plan is to hand them out to all the kids that live at Target House, Ronald McDonald House and Grizzlie House – letting them know that someone is praying for them and for their family.

 Each day as the time draws closer our thoughts are turning to Catie even more.  While the days are filled with peace and hope the missing has not diminished.  Catie is in a better place – heaven.  What about us?  That all depends on how we chose to look at each day.  We could have left St. Jude and been bitter and angry that they offered us no answers.  We could have come home and lived out Catie’s last days privately.  We could have watched her die and done our best to put all the sadness behind us and just gone on with our lives as though Catie never existed.  Who would that have helped?  Would that have helped M.E. and Molly to remember their older sister – they were 2 and 4 when she died.  Would it have helped the other kids?  Would it have kept Catie joyfully alive in our hearts?

 Sharing Catie today still connects to other people.  Sharing Catie and even sharing our sadness connects us with one another.  Sharing Catie is like sharing our faith making it stronger and more vibrant.  What about us?  We are well.  We are not prefect but we are doing our best.  We are not over the loss of Catie but we do see blessings everyday.  We are not finished the work that there is to do but what we have done today we pray makes a difference.

 Life goes on is another cliché but the truth is none of us has the power to stop it.  Children remind us that this moment will pass so if you see something worth celebrating – celebrate!  Today as the rain stopped we all went outside and celebrated being together and played a little three on three.  Mia travels.  Molly double dribbles.  Maggie panics when Kevin guards her.  Max plays seriously.  M.E. delights in dunking.  She grabs the ball and calls for Kevin to lift her to the hoop.  She dunks and then hangs on the rim to be a “rim rocker”.  M.E. doesn’t know the first thing about basketball or the rules of the game but she loves it and asks to play whenever we are outside.

 We all need to delight in being involved in life.  The rules are simple “Love your God with your whole heart, mind and soul and love your neighbor as you love yourself.”

 Amen.

 God is good, all the time,

Kevin, Christine, Maggie, Max, Mia, Molly, M.E. and always Catie

Chili's Give Back Night for Catie's Wish

Chili’s Restaurants in both Carlisle and Mechanicsburg will be hosting a Give Back Day for Catie’s Wish on Wednesday May 12th.  Come on by for lunch or dinner, either to eat in or take out and Chili’s will donate a portion of your receipt to Catie’s Wish.  Our whole family will be in Mechanicsburg on the evening of the 12th and we look forward to seeing you.  Please print out the flyer above and spread the word.